Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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