umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize