she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
