I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The Olympian is in my bed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
