If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
