'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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