dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize