This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
