Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
