She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
