Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
