I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have already put on my inside pants.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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