I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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