Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
