Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
