the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
