what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
