But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
