I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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