do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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