no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
