Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
