you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
