Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
