I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
