Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
