so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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