Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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