The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
