I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
