Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Hippo gnu deer
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The ass gains better be worth it
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