ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize