Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
