hotel room ftw
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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