Non-Jews are for practice
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
