it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
