He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
