So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize