I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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