The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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