I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
