Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize