tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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