Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
