Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize