Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
