I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
