As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
