You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
