I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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