He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
