nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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