im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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