I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
