Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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