One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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