You're completely useless in the revolution.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
how drunk are you?
Several
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
