I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
