my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
