HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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