Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
you made out with another girl for some wings
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
