I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
