Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My vagina is very pro this idea
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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