Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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