I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
