i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
