I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
