She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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