Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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