Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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