last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
honey bunches of taint.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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