Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
