You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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