Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i think my cat just said my name.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
